You Could Be A Bully And Not Even Know It....

Putting others down, name calling, or just plain talking SH*T. I'd assume these qualities wouldn't be used to describe you, right? You are probably loving, mindful, compassionate, and generous to OTHERS. Notice the key word here is- "others". What about yourself? Are you loving and compassionate toward yourself? I'd like to say that I am, but honestly I'm not always. And sometimes I get blocked. Like, bad.... REAL bad. I'm becoming more aware of my tendency to start shaming and beating myself up for things I cannot change. 

I've worked hard to cultivate self love over the past few years. I've learned to nourish my mind and soul through meditation and yoga. I've changed my internal dialogue to be more positive and affirming. BUT what about when I make a mistake? What about decisions that I can't change? I literally rip myself apart, creating an internal shit storm of shame, guilt, and self judgement. "How could I have done or said that?" Or "How could I have remained silent when I should have spoken up?" This is followed by a bombardment of internal bullying. I'd guess that you've probably experienced this too, as I believe it's part of our human and societal conditioning. Telling yourself you're stupid, dumb, clumsy, careless, fat, unattractive, or anything else is in fact bullying. We just don't see it that way because we are so damn hard on ourselves all the time. 

I became completely stuck a while ago after one of these "shame spirals". I couldn't shake my negative mindset no matter how much I breathed, walked, meditated, you name it. I decided to reach out to a very wise friend to help me shake my low vibe attitude. When I opened up to her, she reminded me that I am the sum of my life experiences, good and bad. And I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today without all my so-called mistakes and missteps. 

I realized that when I make a mistake and start to spiral with negativity, I need to stop and take a moment to understand why I am being hard on myself. If I did something I feel was wrong, then I need to do my own self work to figure out the root of the issue- doing my best to mend it, and move on.  I CANNOT continue the cycle of bashing myself to death every time I don't live up to my own ridiculously high expectations. And you shouldn't either. We are humans and we are all beautifully flawed. We make mistakes. But we mustn't stop loving ourselves because of them. 

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." -Buddha

I challenge you to become aware of your internal critic. Become aware of your thoughts and your inner voice. Notice when you start to become a bully to yourself. Choose to accept, let go, and move on. Choose to love yourself despite your mistakes and missteps, because they are teaching and helping you become the beautiful soul you are meant to be- in this MOMENT. And you are perfect today, in this moment. EXACTLY how you are.

Sending you love, light, and good vibes always,


Rachael Croll